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6 Years Ago
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Position available: FUCK BUDDY p/t - m4w
Des Moines, IA (USA) · Casual Sex · Postion Open:
Fuck Buddy
Start Date: Immediately
About The Employer: handsome SWM. 52 y.o. avg build
Due to the inconsistency and frustrating nature of the Des Moines dating
scene‚ the position of FUCK BUDDY is now open. All interested female applicants
are encouraged to copy and paste the questionaire below and submit their answers
via email. NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE!!!
Compensation: Paid in orgasms and other related fulfillment. The more you work‚
the more you can earn!
Other Benefits: Cuddles‚ laughs‚ ice water
***************begin questionaire*****************************************
Age:
Ethnicity:
Location:
Height:
Weight:
Hair Color:
Eye Color:
Please list your Fuck Buddy experience(s) below:
Please describe your genital grooming habits:
What is your availability (ie.. 1x per week‚ 2x per week...etc):
Please answer the following questions regarding ORAL SEX:
Do you enjoy performing fellatio?
Please describe your fellatio skills‚ on a scale of 1 to 10:
Please complete the following % question:
When performing fellatio‚ I employ __% mouth ‚ __% tongue ‚ __% hand(s)
Are you 'ball friendly'?
Do you enjoy receiving cunnilingus?:
Do you enjoy mutual fellatio/cunnilingus‚ otherwise referred to as '69'?
Please answer the following questions regarding VAGINAL SEX:
Please list the following positions in order of preference:
1) missionary
2) girl on top
3) doggie style
4) reverse cowgirl
5) spoon
(feel free to supplement this list with unlisted positions)
What is your preferred method/location of receiving male ejaculate? :
Please answer the following questions regarding ANAL SEX:
Do you partake in activities in and around your anus?:
(If yes‚ please list these activities)
What is the desired frequency of these activites (ie..twice per month...etc):
What is your preferred position when engaged in anal intercourse (if
applicable):
Please answer the following with TRUE or FALSE:
1) I do not consider an 8" cock to constitute a hostile work environment:
2) I do not bring boyfriends‚ stalking ex-boyfriends or other assorted dramas
to my place of employment:
3) I do not have any sexually transmitted diseases: (must answer true)
4) I do not object to the use of condoms: (must answer true)
5) I understand that every effort will be made to induce orgasm(s) for my
enjoyment‚ but do not expect a guarantee of one (or more) if I am having a
stressfull day or experiencing any other complication that would inhibit said
orgasm:
6) I understand that my 'fuck buddy' will continue to date in the traditional
manner‚ and is free to engage is sexual activity with due notice‚ but most
likely will not during my time of 'employment':
7) I understand that while words such as 'employment' have been used in this
questionaire that there is absolutely no financial compensation for this
position:
8) I believe that the only thing better than a handsome fuck buddy is a
handsome fuck buddy with a sense of humor:
9) I understand that interviews for qualified candidates will begin on Friday
and that if given an appointment time I may be asked to perform fellatio:
10) I understand that I may say no to the request for fellatio listed above‚
without damaging my prospects for this position:
11) I understand that if contacted‚ a picture will be required:
12) I understand that my answers will be held in the strictest confidence:
13) I understand that this ad is real‚ if not a bit silly and the product of
work boredom:
**********end questionaire************************************************
When a Stupid Wish Becomes True!
When a Stupid Wish Becomes True! · Humor And Satire · This is a true story about my Childhood, and there is some moral behind it.
When I was 14, there was a old boy in our neighborhood who liked to tell on everyone. I never understood his motivation. Maybe he thought telling on people was funny or made him powerful, or maybe he just thought being a male version of Candace (a character from "Phineas and Ferb" animation) was exciting! He never gained anything because no one took him seriously (that is, if we assume gaining something from telling on people is actually possible!).
There was nothing going on in our quiet neighborhood anyway. No one did anything worth telling except him! Whenever he did something bad, he tried to stop the others from telling his parents by threatening to tell some crazy embarrassing story (which he invented using his active imagination) about the people who had seen his actual deeds. He did tell some of those stories, but it led to nothing but laughter! Things became funnier when he thought he can scare people into obeying him by threatening to tell on them! He tried that on me, and that is where the story begins.
He was 3 years younger than me. My body had matured much more than an average girl of my age and especially my breasts were overgrown. I noticed that boys stared at my breasts sometimes, although nothing indecent ever happened. It wasn't a big deal and never bothered me. The only "sexual harassment" which I got was from that boy! He always joked about my breasts and even tried to touch them but I didn't let him. So, guess what was his solution: "if you don't let me touch them I will tell on you!" as I said, everyone knew he made stories and no one took him seriously. He did make some of his crazy stories about me, but again, that led to nothing but laughter! He asked me again and again to let him see or touch my boobs. I said no every time and he made a new story. After a while I became upset, not because he was telling crazy stories about me (which no one believed), but because I grew bored of his stupid game.
How could I shut him up? I began to think. I decided to teach him a lesson in order to change his attitude. How? By giving him what he wanted, but only, not the amount which he wanted, but much more than he could handle!
One day I was returning home when I saw him, he repeated … (you know what!). Before he finished his sentence, I said "okay, let's do it. Follow me to my house." I knew no one was home. He probably thought I was joking and followed me. When we got there I asked him to wait in the living room. I went to my bedroom, fully undressed and had a look at myself in the mirror. There was a thick bush down there, two savage jungles in my armpits and my legs and arms where quite hairy too. Despite having a grown woman's body, I still had a baby face. Put that face on top of that body and you will have a terrifying sight!
I walked out like that to the living room. His jaws dropped and his eyes were shooting out of his head. There was no sign of sexual arousal, there was just terror and disbelief in his face. I stood completely naked in front of him and said "now, do anything you want with me". He just froze! For a minute, he just stared with that funny face and then he ran out!
Few days later, when I found him alone, I jokingly asked if he is interested in having sex with me and he replied "get lost you ugly hag!" that was the only time in my life which I enjoyed being insulted!
I guess that taught him a lesson. He never harassed anyone like that and quit his snitching habit as well, even when I had offered him something real to tell on me! I just hope I didn't scare him too much and he is not afraid of women anymore!
North bend true love in all the wierd misses.i never get seen for
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